Wanderer's · Tale

Well yesterday due to fiscal and time reasons I put therapy on hold for 30 days. I was excited about it...the chance to see how well I had actually been doing. Today of course gave many problems with that plan.

It ran from work messing up my check to stepping in gum. Today was mainly made up of irritants...strange. It was like I took the time to try and see if I can handle my anger better and multiple things were thrown in my way.

Still I think I did all right. In other news...will be able to start looking for new work with more vigor soon. The game I am running is going well. My love life is good..and I am looking forward to Donna's wedding

All in all Mi Familia

Still Flyin'

I have realized that so few people use their actual power that they all have. they refuse to choose...to think and simple choose. I find it hard to understand...though I have undoubtedly been guilty of it myself. It angers and puzzles me as there are many examples of that power...Tank man last week was the aniversary of Tienamen Square....and a n iconic image of one man choosing to act. No weapons, no back up just him and a desire to do what he believed was right. Humans have so much more power than they believe...but they refuse it. Instead they let others dictate to them what is correct...what is right. I wonder why.

Is it easier? Are they frightened? Are they ignorant of their own power? There are many who engage in evil, hurtful actions...but are they making choices to do so or are they simple acting as others have dictated because they lack the knowlege of there own power? If they choose to do evil willingly...I can respect that choice even though I can not respect their actions and will oppose them. For they are at least acting...using their intellect, their soul and making a choice for good or ill.

I know this is simply strange maunderings....but I have been bothered by this as of late. Perhaps the news has been getting to me..but I dislike being in ignorance.

I love you Mi Familia

Still Flyin'

As the  pic shows...I am feeling a bit giddy. I had forgotten how much I liked science...and medicine...and learning in general. I am enjoying my time at college greatly. And my lovelife goes well also. kati will be moving out here in late august/early september.

But back to school...I forget I like it all and math is becoming...easy. I am kind of thrilled. And also Star Trek was outfuckingstanding.
And Wolverine was..cool. Some minor quibbles...but all in all very good. 

I find time and money are my major concerns now...I am looking into new work. I have a app with PCC...as a lab assistant for EMT classes.

I know me teaching..it is funny...but I do like teaching.

So Mi Familia

Still Flyin' 

It has been a while since I have written...My time has been rare as of late. I find myself with new dilemmas...I have finaly recived my EMT cert from the state. Which is cool..bu tnow I have to find a job as an EMT..or two. Because I have grown weary of the Red Cross. Many minor things since Roy was bounced as site supervisor...but all petty and pointless...which I know is part of the workaday world. I simply and tired of dealing with them for craptastic money. But I will need transport...and that cuts in to my serious plan to save cash and to travel more...and to get kati up to Portaland.

In academic news...I made principle's list twice..and have gotten the mass email invite to Phi Beta Kappa. And this has me torn. I know it would be useful to have on resumes and such. But it goes agaimst my nature. I work best with small groups that I trust..and I dont' need lots of recognition..just a thank you and get the hell out of my way so I can keep working.

Strange I know...but that is what makes me...me. But I do need to leave Guardsmark soonest...it had little appeal when I was without cert..but with it...it has lost all it's appeal. I am actualy feeling saddened by the time I am wasting there. And the schedule  I have to work there to have my classes is rough....perhaps I am growing old but I cant go 6-9 hours of sleep out of 48 anymore.

Therapy goes well...there have been many times and reasons to practice techniques I have learned in emotional dojo( I think its funny ). and it has been working. I'm not less angry it just has less control and is calmed and dealt with quicker.

Well Mi familia I am as always

Still Flyin'

Nothing new there I know. I am going today to take my national registry test for EMT basic. I am seriously hoping that all goes well. I also have a ton of homework to do..both personal and school related. I find I miss my friends..more so because I havent spoken to some of them in a while because I have had no time..and I feel bad because of that. I have been spending a lot of time on myself and it feels strange to me to do so.  I am used to being alone/solitary..but I have never quite been like this...it's like I am stepping away from the people I care for lives. I know its not the case..but my worry still remains.

I know so serious and dramatic...but I am doing much better Mi Familia. School goes well...made presidents list for the second semester in a row. My health is all right..and getting better. Work...well work is work...and in a month or two hopefuly I won't need to deal with guardsmark any more. My love life has interest..some worries but those have more to do with logistics than anything else.

As for health and my quest to get healthier..I found a teacher..so Iam studying martial arts again. and yes I am finding life easier there by...the paradox of my life. The more I learn how to destroy the calmer I become.

In related news..therapy goes well..Iam learning and understanding myself a bit more. I thought I knew myself pretty well..but there were depths I didn't know or weren't willing to look at. Either way it goes well. I do need to perhaps reach out to those I love some more..I just need to find the time. I don't like little emails...I prefer longer ones or actual talking. Something to think on for me later.

But Mi Familia

Still Flyin'

A sacred cow was thrown out the window last night....The erroneous belief that a comic book could not speak of serious subjects,that a comic book movie could not have serious themes. All those pretentious fools and phony intelligentsia looking as the accumulated filth and detritus of there vapid entertainments foam about there waists say  " help us...save us from this vapid mess we have created" and I will look down and simply say "no".

Yes the Watchmen was outstandingly cool. Yes there were changes but few and well done..much like with LOTR. I am feverishly awaiting the DVD.....oh yes that should rock even harder.

As for me I have my schedule for next semester ready, I'm prepped for finals,my finacial aid is in place and therapy goes well.

and some random examples form my life. In math I got a 104 pts out of 100..extra credit.  I was stunned...but while we were going over the test in class I notice the instructor had made an error and not caught a mistake of mine that made me miss one question.
So knowing me did I stay silent and go yay me..no I mentioned it in the middle of class.  I don't know if he changed my grade or not...for me it was just important to say something.  I find it hard to take what I haven't earned.

Then going to therapy on the bus...the driver was rude and short..but also drove recklessly.  I nearly fell...I grew angry as I had gotten off work went to class and was going to therapy and had not slept yet...at that point running sixteen hours awake on maybe four of sleep. So I go back up after catching  myself and I speak to the driver that he needs to slow down as some of us have been working and are exhausted and if a passenger fell it could be a bad thing. I then sat down and this tool drove like an overly aggressive teenager. Yes I grew even more angry this assclowns inability to keep calm was putting others in jeopardy. Me I wasn't as concerned with..but....there are a lot of elderly folks that get on that bus line and women with small kids. If they fall it could be a serious injury and not just the annoyance/reason to fight that it would be for me. But I kept some composure...I got off at my stop and  I called Tri Met...and reported his reckless driving in detail...yes including bus,route and time.

I found some comfort in that and it worked with my beliefs...its not much but it is enough.
In the end Mi Familia

Still Flyin'

For me. First I will start with the good. I made presidents list last semester. I finaly have saturdays off. AJ has made it through her surgery ok. My kati is coming out for spring break. I seem to be doing ok for money and I am going to be running a shadowrun game on saturdays.

The bad...I realized I hold everyone  I love at arm's length...as if I am terrified of being hurt..because that are the only ones close enough to hurt me. That was hard to realize. But I have chosen to look at things as they are..no matter how much they hurt. On a positive note for that...in realizing it I can start do deal with it.

I am stil uncertain how Les is doing but I will find out soon.

As for me I am Mi Familia

Still Flyin' 

And now hopefuly a new day dawns for our nation. One based on respect for our Constitution and for our fellow man.

I know  I sent these word out once..but they bear repeating..and expanding. I was thrilled that President Obama recognozed that there are those who do not belive in one god over all...I wish he had mentioned other faiths than the Abramic faiths..but small steps. His speech did bring tears to my eye. It spoke top a simple message that resonates through my faith..and challenges those with any heart,brain or soul at all.

It was churchill who said "any man under thirty who is not a liberal..has no heart and any man over thirty who is not conservative has no brains." In theory he is right..but with a soul..I belive one can be both.

But our nation rises again Mi Familia.
She's busted up plenty..but she'll fly true...

and here we are

Still Flyin' 

Is where I am. My vacation was fun and troubling. It raised some questions and answered some others.

But it was grand seeing my family. I did love the dinner at Ah So.  And the trip to Tuscon and New years with Kendra...was very fun. I missed kati. But it was nescessary to get things straight in my head.

The road trip back with Tim..was cool in a way I can't even begin to describe. I miss living in the same city with him...but I don't see him moving any time soon...I could be wrong but..who knows.

School has restarted...I have found a math teacher that can make math interesting...and a math text that is useful to those who actualy read english and dont speak mathamatical symbolgy as their natal tongue.

In work..I finaly am getting saturdays off...and the new schedule should actualy give me time to do other things as well,concerts,training...organizing meetups...you know things.

Therapy also went well today...I asked questions about sepressive disorder..as it has some personal weight in my life..and I was curious..advantage of having a therapist..good up to date intel on their field of endevor.

And spaz kitty/ one kityty gone is an awesome band.
As always Mi Familia

Still Flyin'

I so rarely have felt it in my life. I have felt accomplishment and pleasure and relaxation...but rarely joy.

Until today...today in Portland there was a boreal snowstorm...wicked cold...and this is me saying its cold. But while on patrol I gathered up a handful of snow and I made a snowball. That's it just a snowball..and then I threw it a Red cross fleet car. It hit the rear windshield and asploded. That's it.

But I just started laughing like a four year old. I laughed for like ten minutes...just non stop. IT was different and I just knew it....I hadn't felt  like that for years. It didn't last..but for a fleeting moment...I was just purely joyful.

Still Flyin'

And one to go. I have completed most of my finals. I have done well on them so far. I am happy so far with how I have been doing.
Even though I did set up my first semester to give me an easy fight coming back. ;->  I am seriously looking forward to coming out to Phoenix for vacation. I miss Mi Familia. And it will be good to see them. I am just hoping I can see everyone I want, get gifts and not lose my cool. It will be a test of my work in therapy..I think:) But that makes it worth it.

But as always Mi Familia

Still Flyin'

I finished mine for my EMT courses...and I feel discontented now with my current job. It seems almost pointless...if it wasn't for the fact that the Red Cross does useful things..I might go mad. I really should look at the fact that I want to be back in the field badly...and that I was not phased by any of the things that happened..it was like coming back to an old lover..one you never thought you would be with again and...simply enjoying the feeling of closeness.

I know...it seemed strange typing that..but that is how I felt and feel. Gods of the north I missed medicine more than I knew. It just makes me that more eager to get back to the work.

Well Mi Familia

Still Flyin'

Oh I would be E.C. "Einherjar" S*****

As for a finisher....Id have two
First  The Jourmgard Choke...a vicious rear naked choke/body triangle
Second  The Vallhalla Bomb....A high angle Tiger bomb

Mine has grown sharper...I can now be angry about a situation and let it go. Yes it took a day for me to get there..but I did get there. And that is a breakthrough. I never thought  I could do that. It is miraculous to me. And to those who are expecting me in Phoenix..Iam going to be leving sooner than I planned once I get there...So let me know when you are available to see me. I don't want to miss any of you:)

Well Mi familia

Still Flyin'

Of things past... First Happy Thanksgiving to all. I was thankful for many things this year...I have a love or two:) , I have an education that is proceedeing very well, I have a job that is tolerable. My health is ok.

So I have much to be thankful for...but still I am haunted by past ghosts...just in new forms. I worry about kati...she has dealt with a lot and part of me fears she will never fully recover. I worry that Les will have lung cancer...as he is finally pulling his life together. I still worry about Tim and how he is pulling together. I worry about Kendra's health and hope she does well. I worry about AJ's possible cancer.I worry about Dan and his quest for work in this shit econamy.

I worry about Beckey,Dad,Auntie,Celt,Natalie,John,Wendy and everyone I dont see on a regular basis.

I know I should relax..but I can't seem to at times...the best I can go is simply not think a bout it actively..but it is there in the back of my mind. I am improving but I even worry about me.....now thats irony. But all I can do is keep living and trying....or wht I have done for a great while.

In other words Mi Famila

Still Flyin'

Seems to be touching more people in my life. It seems that my brother Les may have lung cancer..to those who know him it might not be a suprise. the suprise for those who know our history is why it bothers me so. I am really hoping its not but there are so many indicators that it will be cancer..I find it hard to be hopeful.

He asked me to be the executor of his estate should both him and michelle die. and this will probaly suprise no one..I said yes. I hurt deeply at writing this because it makes it real..I have said this before...writing it down makes it real for me.

This comes after ad good visit by kati...yes my houseguest( for those who were wondering). Things went well between us , she was seen by people I care about and the relationship didn't insta crumble so now  I am comfortable writing about her by name. I worry aboiut her as well. She has been through some rough times..and she is now entering the job market. In this economy. Yeah..but i am hopeful she can make it..she has some marketable skills..and some help with job counseling so kati should be ok.

I am really looking forward to Yule...it will be nice to see some of the family again...to talk to mom up close. And I should unless everything goes wrong a 4.0 for this term..yay me:->

Well Mi familia

Still Flyin'

Subjects of meditaitons by my familia and myself the past week and the past few years.  I am proud of my country for doing what no one thought was possible and electing an African -American to the highest office of the land. I am dismayed at the passage of iniatives and laws to restrict marrige between those who love because they have the same parts.

And yet it seems nothing has changed..I am hopeful that the next four years will be better...but a looming economic crisis is right there...hopefuly it will speed change to the masses that let themselves forget about honor and self reliance and industriousness. Who forgot compassion , love and community. But I dream alot...at least I am used to having little for me..and most I know it won't be any different than the last eight years.

In lighter,better news...I have had a houseguest for the past nine days...I mentioned a trip to Vegas during the summer...she came to visit me. And it has been very good...many laughs and joys some tears but that is the nature of relationships and life its self. Also classes are going quite well and in two years or so...I will be graduating from PCC with the paramedic degree...preparatory to getting my bachelor's in sometrhing and going for med school...agin my dream...bu tI do want it.

Also I will be in Phoenix for Yule...so I will see you all there.

Well Mi Familia...I am as always

Still Flyin'

Things are going rather well. I am doing quite well in my EMT classes. That should be no real suprise. I have done this before:) And to my suprise...I am doing very well in WR 121. And I know some of you will be shaking your head at me. But I always though while good at a story...I was lacking in technical polish. Which is some what of the case. But my errors are very consistent which means I can correct those.

Work is actually going well..I do like working at ARC. There is a sense of purpouse there..it is refreshing.

In other news my physical training is going better...I was able yesterday to do 30 min on the eliptical machine...so that is progress....could barely do ten a while back.

Also  I have a guest coming out to see me in November and that should be very fun in deed.

So here I am Mi Familia

Still Flyin'

Are here again for me and Iam very happ.I have fianly met all my professors and...that are all decent people. It's amazing I was expecting at least one jerk amongst them..but no they are all cool people. This heartens me in ways I can not describe Mi Familia.

In more of me falling off the Luddite wagin news..I bought an iPod shuffle. For my workouts as my other mp3 players is an actual hard disc drive and as such doesn't like running or violent motion.  I know this seems so trivial bu tit means a bit to me. The rest of m life goes fairly well..money i stight as always but thats notthing new for me. But in the end Mi Familia...I am

Still Flyin'